Thursday, March 23, 2017

3 Years Without My Son

I wouldn't say it gets easier but it does change. The beginning is so different from 1 to 2 to 3 years, but the missing and longing never goes away. You just learn to live with it and give yourself room and permission to feel it.
How are you doing? I get asked this often, espicially when it's angelversary time. There is no easy answer. No formula to get through the day - the worst day of my life. This day is and will always be dreaded and mourned, it is, after all, the day my 8 month, 26 day old son was taken from me, when all my hopes for the future ended and turned to memories. There felt as if there was no future without him. Along with my child, I lost pieces of myself. My identity as a mother to a boy, a mother of three, naivety when it came to parenting and the sense of a complete family. There will always be a piece missing where Dylan used to be and should be.
Today, I think of how you would be at almost 4-years-old. You would already be in preschool and you would be going to Sunday school every week. I think you would love toy trucks and Star Wars because of your daddy, Disney princess movies and dress up because of your sisters, and story and cooking time because of mommy. You would be the perfect mixture of rough and tumbly along with your ever-present sensitive heart. Your hair would be blonder than ever and your crystal blue eyes would twinkle with joy.
I miss you every day bubsy, but what gets me through all the difficult times, when the loss threatens to overwhelm, is knowing, one day, we will be reunited. I look forward to hearing you laugh again and finally getting to dance with you while choirs of angels sing. Oh, what a glorious day that will be when I see you again and nothing will seperate us. Until then, I will continue to hold vigile. You are not forgotten. You are still loved beyond words and never doubt, mommy is coming to be with you one day.

Wednesday, January 25, 2017

My First Interview for Discovery Church

“My marriage of 27 years ended and I didn’t understand why. I started doubting everything and I found myself drifting away from God because of the heartache. The process of separating from my husband affected my entire family, especially my 15-year-old daughter who began acting out. We had been visiting different churches for two years but nothing ever felt right. One day, while I was at the gym, someone mentioned Discovery Church to me. A couple months later, I was driving by and I saw the signs for the church, and I thought, I’m going to go check it out. I knew that I loved God but I was in a dark place and searching for answers. The first time I attended service, Pastor Jason taught about not letting your walk suffer because of the circumstances in your life. I realized I was letting my relationship with God be distorted by my situation and the message gave me the strength and encouragement to stand firm in the knowledge that God was with me. 

Discovery Church helped me come up out of this hole I found myself in and my daughter started attending the youth group. We both looked forward to coming every week and I knew this was where we were supposed to be. I wanted to belong, so I found myself asking, ‘how can I get plugged in?’ I am very hospitable, so it was a natural fit when they wanted me to serve in the coffee ministry. I have always found myself helping out-that’s just who I am at my core-a servant. I truly believe it’s better to give than to receive and when you serve others, it’s a blessing."

~Deborah Mccoy