Sunday, August 10, 2014

Quicksand (A Mourning Poem)

The one who loved me for me
Is gone now.
His absence is like
A gaping hole in my heart
I ache with all my soul.
It's unfathomable
That the only person
Whoever loved me completely
And so unconditionally
Was ripped away from me
Before I even knew what happened
I ache knowing
I will never see him again.
I will never see him take his first steps
Play in his boy scout uniform
Get into his limo for prom
Wait for his bride at the end of the aisle
Look down at me as we dance at his wedding
Or hold his baby for the first time.
I have been robbed of all his firsts.
He'll never understand how important
He was to me.
I feel hallow inside.
I love him so much
And no one understands
No one grasps who and what
He was to me.
He was a miracle, my gift from God
"You'll see him again someday," they say.
But someday is so far away.
I don't want to live the rest of my life
Without him in it.
If I could cut out this pain
And feel nothing I would.
Nothingness-numbness-
Would be better than this.
But whenever I think
I've located the source
Rooted it out-
It shifts, it moves,
It eats away at me
Because when I allow myself to really feel
It's like I'm sinking
Into the darkest, deepest quicksand
That anyone can ever imagine.
And I feel like I'm going crazy
Because nothing makes sense anymore
I don't know who I am anymore
And I'm sinking so fast
That I feel like I'm choking
I can't breathe
And I know there's no way out
Only deep down into the bottomless pit
Quicksand has taken over my life