Wednesday, April 22, 2015

Absence (reflection from a broken heart)

I thought we would have
More time than we did
You should be here with me
That's how it should be
But every day
I have to live with how it is
Living without you
Is the hardest thing
I have ever had to do
I feel like I am holding my breath
Because I'm scared all the time
Ever since I lost you
I don't know who I am anymore
You were my everything
My sun and my moon
I don't want to be broken
But I don't know how to be whole
The very core of me
Has been ripped away
What do you do
When the love of your life dies?
Everywhere I go
You should be there
I look around and think
Can't anyone see me
Dying inside?
I go through the motions
Of living this life
Hoping one day
I won't feel so destroyed
But all I feel is left behind
And forced to face life
With you no longer here
I'm tired of life being this hard
All I want to do
Is crawl up into your blanket
And let the world melt away
Sometimes I wonder
Will this be the thing that breaks me?
Will your death be my undoing?
I don't want
My strength to turn to stone
I don't want
For you to be gone
I want you here in my arms
The moment I saw you
I knew you would change me
But I didn't think
It would be like this
You may be absent
From this world
But you will always be
The center of my heart
I love you
No matter if I live
Another 50 years
Nothing will erase
The memory of you


  1. Thank you for being so honest. My sweet Rudy died Feb 15th and some days I just want to die too. But he has an older brother and a twin sister plus 7 nieces I have to carry on for. Rudy was 28 and has Down Syndrome. He was a part of my every day and I miss him so much. I also blog on Word Press if you want to read it. I don't think it matters how old your child is... The grief is the same. I've lost a parent, a husband and many dear friends but none of them compare to this. I'm sending you hugs and prayers.

    1. I agree. The age of the child doesn't matter it's just different. I'm sorry for your loss as well! I'm a year into my loss and the raw gut-wrenching pain doesn't come as often but has been replaced by a constant sadness below the surface that only a parent who has lost a child can understand.

    2. I thot
      Dis was d beginning
      Of a new chapter
      In life
      A transition

      After so much

      Of praying
      Of hoping
      Of dreaming

      N giving up

      Snatched away
      So soon..
      While I was only
      Just beginning
      To get used to
      Dis new life..
      Dis new role
      Of motherhood

    3. Beautiful! So sorry from what is created though

  2. As I sat here reading those words, I found myself reading my words, my thoughts, my pain, my grief. For I too lost my beautiful 16 yr old daughter on 07-07-07 ( I am 7.5 years into my grief & I have not only been through hell & back, I also put my other children, family, friends, & the ex-husband-father (80% statistic) through that hell searching desperately for me again. Truth is.....I died the same day she died..... NEW NORMALCY .......If ever a time you would like to speak with someone that "CAN IMAGINE" never hesitate to contact me.....

  3. I am so sorry you went through all of that! We are traveling on such a tough road even though we are all at different places on it.